"full-time" mom

I had a frustrating conversation with a fellow mother/customer recently and figured this blog is as good a platform as any to stand up on my soapbox.
This particular mom and I met when I was pregnant with Grace and we spent nearly an hour talking about how exciting/difficult/scary/fun/wonderful life was about to be. She quit her job as a teacher to stay at home full time with her two girls and at the time, I planned on doing almost the same thing- working as little as possible to be at home with Grace.
I ran into her again and we started talking about motherhood, extended breastfeeding, weaning, cloth diapers; you know, typical lingerie store conversation. She then proceeded to get on my nerves and dance all over them when she started making a fake sad face and telling me how sorry she was that I had to work and couldn't be a "full-time" mom. What I was missing out on, and how she could never do it, but she thought all of us working moms were just so brave. The Lord graciously stopped me before I said "Oh gag me with a wooden spoon," and our conversation ended shortly after that with me feeling the need to defend my 20 hour work weeks and all the quality time I spend with Grace.
Following that story this is going to be difficult to admit, but it's confession time: I used to be quite judgemental about moms who worked full time and took their kids to daycare. Lest ye judge my former judgemental attitude and throw me in the same boat with crazy mom from the second paragraph, I would like a moment to explain myself.
One of the reasons we waited so long to have a baby was because of my store. I was too busy building it up, working long hours for no paycheck, and couldn't imagine adding a baby on top of an already too busy work schedule. And I would not, under any circumstances, allow someone else to raise my child. So we waited until the store was at a point that I could step away for a bit and not live there.
For the first two months of her life, I seriously considered closing the store. Financially, 2008 was a rough year, but even more than that, all I wanted to do was sit and stare at my baby girl. We would figure out how to live on just Dan's salary; I would clip coupons, sell pant-aloons on ebay, learn how to bargain shop... anything to stay with her and be a full time mom. I remember thinking, "This is what I was meant to do. I was meant to stay at home all day staring at this beautiful creature."
As time would soon tell, being a mom was every bit the full time job I thought it would be. But dare I say it... I wasn't completely fulfilled as a woman/human/contributing member of society staying at home all day every day with Grace. My views quickly began to change as I realized that I needed to work, needed something else to do with my time, and needed a break from my sweet girl. I remember last February when I started working more and feeling guilty that I actually enjoyed it. Surely a super mom would spend her days away from her baby lamenting her job and the fact that she was at work and not at home working on tummy time and making home made organic baby food.
I have so many wonderful friends who have a wide range of part-time and full-time jobs, outside of being a full-time mom and they have all contributed to my new (non-judgemental) outlook on working moms.
My friend Kristen is an awesome counselor. She loves nearly everything about her job, her boss, the kids, her fellow teachers. I have never met someone so incredibly passionate about being a light to everyone who steps in her path. Her kids stay with her mom some days, go to daycare others, and spend Fridays with Dad. I remember her telling me one time that it bothered her when her stay at home mom friends pittied her that she "had to go to work." She chooses to work. And she also chooses to be one of the most amazing mothers I know. She is the definition of balance. She spends all day every day of her summer breaks with those two beautiful kiddos and soaks in every moment she has with them.
I have another friend who stays at home with her two boys and admitted to me just this week that she wishes she could put them in PDO even one day a week. She used to think it was selfish for stay at home moms to put their kids in PDO because they needed a "break." She has since changed her mind and is realizing she is no less a mom if she doesn't L-O-V-E every second of staying home with her boys.
My friend Kayci texted me tonight about how she feels like a failure and my heart just broke. She has to work to help support her family and twin boys and feels guilty for putting them in PDO and daycare next year.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Being a mom is a difficult enough job by itself, without all of the guilt trips we seem to pick up daily and pile on top.
The truth is, we can't have it all as moms, and in a years time, I have come to realize that the grass only seems greener on the other side. While that may not ease our guilt ridden minds and we may continue to wish for greener pastures (or fences? my metaphors are all confused...) I think we would do well to give ourselves a break from the guilt and comparisons.
What works for you may not work for me. What works for me certainly may not work for you. So let's drop the facade that as moms we have to have our, ahem, stuff together all the time. Let's support each other in whatever decision we have made that we think is best for our family (and quite possibly, our sanity). Let's take the time we do have with our children, be it all day, or a few hours a day, and squeeze every ounce of love and good parenting we can out of every moment. That, too me, is what being a "full-time" mom is all about.

Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas, everyone!
What a week it has been! We have had such a great Christmas season, filled with family, great food, new traditions, a really excited one year old, TONS of presents, and two very blessed parents.
We spent last weekend with my family in Dallas. I have a rather large family on my mom's side and we always have fun getting together on the Saturday before Christmas. We had a surprise party for my aunt, went to see Avatar, battled the Grapevine Mills mall and lost, played a precarious game of Wahoo!, visited my dad, step-mom, cousin, and granny, drank lots of coffee, and mostly just hung out. It was quite laid back and fabulous.
I spent Christmas Eve at the store tending to the last-minute customers (read: men) and even braved the grocery store to pick up a few last minute things (p.s. the store sales for December have almost DOUBLED last year. Are you kidding me? We are so blessed).
We planned to go to Christmas Eve service with Tom and Beth but the roads were a bit too icy for Dan's liking, not to mention all the services in town were cancelled because of the weather, so I made a veggie pizza and we wrapped presents and watched bull-riding. Not a tradition I plan to keep next year, but being together just the three of us was a fun treat.
Christmas morning we woke up and opened presents, let miss priss take her nap, then headed off to Nana and Papa's house for awesome food and presents o'plenty. It was such a great day and so fun to watch Grace get excited about the littlest things. I know she didn't understand everything, but she helped open most of her gifts and loved the tissue paper.
Here is our week in pictures:

Playing at Mimi's family Christmas

After she opened all of these, we found another 10 presents under the tree with her name on them. Round two of gifts came after her second nap.

Among her favorite gifts: an Elmo plane. The propellers in the front really spin! Thanks Aunt Kimmie!

Our yearly tradition. Dan and I sit on the couch whilst being surrounded by our gifts. We go around one by one and open presents for about three or four hours. I'm not joking. This year it only took us two because we had a short window while Grace was sleeping. Favorite gifts: a MASSIVE necklace with pearl beads, hand painted ornament, and checkered coat. The loot. How are we supposed to teach Grace the true meaning of Christmas when this is what we bring home? Only three boxes worth this year. Beth "did not go overboard." You be the judge.

Our favorite present of all
Nana and Gracie girl

Surveying the loot.

What is this cold, wet stuff on my hand?

Her new chair with matching ottoman. What every one year old needs.

She had such a happy day. Merry Christmas, sweet pumpkin.

Thirteen months

Thirteen months! Wowza... Here is what you are up to these days, little Miss...

You love to open and close everything; drawers, doors, and shutters are a few of your favorites.

You have six teeth- four on top and two on bottom. You are so cute and look just like a reverse bugs bunny. You got all four teeth on top within two weeks of each other. It was neat.

You are quite into sharing everything. We have to taste your food, hold your toys, then promptly give them back.

You are completely finished with bottles. And we are down to nursing twice a day.

You are walking everywhere. After PDO I have been letting you walk beside me on the sidewalk to the car. It takes us about ten minutes because you have to stop and wave and smile at everyone.

You say "uh-oh" and "uh-uh-oh" after everything. It is my most favorite thing you do right now. You also say baby and "doy-doy-doy" and "eeeeehhhh!!!" Instead of bye you say dye-dye-dye and wave your hand out in front of you instead of to the side. So close to avocado...

Elmo is your favorite toy and nobody better get in your way when you are watching Sesame Street. When the theme music comes on, you grin from ear to ear and start dancing. I am a bad mom and let you stand right in front of the t.v. to watch it.

You still take two long naps a day and they are my sanity. I love you, but mama gets very little done without those naps.

You say "mmmm" after you take a bite of something and raise your eyebrows.

You are becoming such a daddy's girl. You would sit in his lap all night and watch Sesame Street if I would let you!

You absolutely love books! You have three that are your favorite right now and you "read" them all the time. Your favorite book has a picture of a baby and when I tell you to find the baby you keep looking until you find the page and then look up and smile at me. You little genius.

You have the sweetest smile and it melts my heart to listen to you and your daddy make each other laugh.

Little snow bunny

Tami bought you a baby for your birthday and you can't get enough of it! You put it in your stroller and push her around and when I tell you to give her kisses you open your mouth and slobber all over her.

Talking with Daddy when he came home from his trip. You absolutely lit up when he walked in the door.

You keep life from being boring, sweet girl. We can't wait for the next thirteen months!

A little friendly competition

I'm competitive by nature. It's in my blood.
So I should not have been surprised when the compare and contrast "mommy competition game" landed on my front doorstep about, oh, two days after Grace was born. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

"Johnny is walking and talking and the Dr. said he is the brightest kid he's ever laid eyes on, and I don't want to brag, but really he is...blah, blah, blah."
"Oh really? That's wonderful. Jenny is only three months, but already she's eating steak and potatoes and speaking in full sentences, Italian and French, and I've just about got her potty-trained."

I used to hear conversations like this (well okay, maybe not exactly like this) and think to myself, I will not be one of those moms! But I seem to find myself more and more, especially lately, caught up in the mommy competition.

An acquaintance was going on and on (and on and on) about her little girl and all the new words she was learning, sounds she was making, steps she was taking, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah...
The conversation went something like this.
Me, outloud: "Oh really, that's wonderful!"
In my head: "Grace is in the 97th percentile for height. Ha."
Me, outloud: "Wow! Impressive little girl!"'
In my head: "Grace is awesome. Your child is sub-awesome. She will never reach Grace's full awesome potential."

I couldn't believe what was going on in my mind. Why couldn't I just smile and nod my head? Why did I feel the need to justify my child (to myself, mind you) and throw her poor little girl into my comparison death trap? Competitive, I am, but mental cruelty towards a child (and her insanely annoying mother), well quite honestly, it's just not my style.

Really this all started several weeks ago when I ran into some friends at United who have a little girl about two months older than Grace. L said to A, "Say avocado," and I thought "What the hey?" and then there A goes, "a-ba-ca-do!"
I froze for a second thinking, "Grace, chin up! Sit up straight, and for Pete's sake, quit chewing on my purse and drooling! Oh heavens, why did I put the brown bow on you? You look so much cuter in pink...Say da-da! Say ma-ma! Say anything!!!"
Crickets chirping...
The rest of the United trip I tried to persuade Grace to say "avocado," but to no avail.

This episode, and a few others much like it, have left me wondering where and if I've gone wrong with Grace.
You see, when it was all about comparing percentiles and baby pictures and milestones, we were ahead of the pack, if not right there in the middle of everyone. But as she's gotten older, the comparisons are more about measuring development, language, and personality. And while my child is absolutely adorable and has a very funny personality, she is not exactly saying "avocado" in the produce aisle, if you catch my drift. She's just not ahead when it comes to the language game. A few words and her new French is all we're working with here.
And then I worry that it's because I wouldn't fork over the $200 bucks for your baby can read dvd's. Should I have made flash cards instead of letting her watch Sesame Street? Do I not read enough books to her? Should I actually use the Science Spectrum membership I bought a month ago?

I don't want to be that mom. I want so much to be gracious and caring and to really listen to what I'm hearing, not just wait for my turn to talk about how great my baby is.
With most friends, I can do this. I can listen or read about what is going on with their baby and be excited and compare in the most genuine sense of the word with no worries or competition behind it.
It's the strangers I seem to have trouble with...

The sane, logical, realistic side of my brain tells me not to compare. Grace's development is right on track. What works for us doesn't work for everyone else. Babies develop at such different stages and each child's brain is unique and need not be compared. Don't start this competitive thing so early. There are bigger problems in the world to worry about. It's okay to know in your mind how great your baby girl is and not share that information with anyone who has an ear to listen...

The crazy, insane, unrealistic, (much larger) side of my brain tells me that I should spend $200 on the your baby can read dvd's and then maybe she'd be saying avocado and impressing the pants off of everyone she meets.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has fallen prey to the proverbial mommy comparison trap...

Halloween

So I'm a little late posting Grace's first Halloween Pictures. It completely slipped my mind until I looked in a folder last night and saw all of her bumblebee pics. So, a month or so later, enjoy our Queen Bee.

My sweetest friend Kristen and her baby girl Evyn. Evyn went as a preacher's daughter. Notice the mini skirt and baby high heels! I love that little pumpkin!

At the last minute, I grabbed a couple of cheesey pirate costumes from the store. Dan and I aren't huge Tech fans (we don't dislike them, we just didn't go to Tech) and were unaware that we looked like we just came from the game. People kept asking us how the game was and we didn't figure out what they were talking about until halfway through the night.
The Queen Bee
Nana and Papa met us up at the church's Fall Festival.

We went to eat with Kyle, Wendy, and Brooke after the festival. Grace LOVES Brooke and thinks she is just about the coolest thing walking. She kept leaning in to give her kisses.
Look at that sweet smile! I remember when Brooke was Grace's age. Time flies. Maybe one day Grace will have enough hair to put in a side ponytail!
Well, Happy almost Christmas and a late Halloween. Somewhere around January, I am sure I will get together Thanksgiving pictures...

Scottsdale

Dan and I spent the weekend after Thanksgiving in Scottsdale, Arizona celebrating our seven year anniversary and first trip away from the pumpkin. We took a total of four pictures...




To be honest, I have no superb highlight reel to show you... We mostly just relaxed and hung out. Our view was awesome and if it weren't for the golf course and mountain in the background, it could have passed for a place in Mexico. We ate at some great restaurants, got an awesome couples massage, took naps, went to bed early, woke up late, won and then lost $20 bucks at a casino, and did some shopping. Dan thought he was in heaven when he found a mac store and was able to set up an appointment for them to help him with his computer. And I thought I was in heaven when I shopped at Anthropologie after finishing lunch at Chessecake Factory. It's the little things.

What a great weekend. I learned three things while we were gone:
1. I have severely underestimated the restorative power of uninterrrupted smooching and four nights of uninterrupted sleep
2. It is possible to actually watch your hind end get larger if you eat with no abandon
3. I had no idea how much we would miss this pumpkin as much as we did.

I only had one meltdown. Luckily, we were able to fly back a little earlier than we planned on Tuesday and spent the rest of Tuesday night playing with the princess. I wish I could have captured her face when she saw us. It was absolutely priceless.

one year pictures

Alisa took Grace's one year pictures last Wednesday on her birthday in Tom and Beth's backyard. We had a blast- she absolutely loves the camera. Here are our top 25 or so favorites... Alisa, you are something else.

















And now for the Rainman portion of the program...




Alisa, this one is for you. My sweet goat girl, doing her goat-y thing.

What a fun, special day. Way to grow, Gracie girl.

Walking and a One Year Update

Twelve months is easier for me to handle. It doesn't sound so, old. So let me begin again.

Walking and a twelve month update.

That's much better.

Grace is officially one (er, twelve months) and I was about to give you the usual updates, but she officially started moving and grooving tonight, so that takes precedence! She has taken a few steps over the past three weeks, but seemed to lose interest in walking until she got a push toy for her birthday. Heavens to Betsey, that child can circle the room in under 30 seconds! Last night she took two consecutive steps before falling three different times, and tonight she took six steps, twice. Danny and I couldn't believe it and I cried for a minute. When did she get old enough to walk? (Oh wait, last week, when she turned twelve months). I am loving it tonight, but I hear things are really about to get fun.

Miss G cut her third tooth this week, and by my calculations, has the other three top ones just waiting to cut thru at any time.

Danny thinks Grace somehow picked up French by mistake, because the only English words she knows are mama, dada, nana, papa, and sometimes she will say something that sounds a lot like duck. Everything else she says sounds exactly like French to us (say them out loud with a lilting inflection and you will get an idea of what we hear on a daily basis. And add a question mark at the end. Kind of like Canadians, "Eh?" Come on. It will be fun).
Bwee? Bweh? Do-uy? Wee? Wee Wee?
Yes, not only is she adorable, but she is mastering her first foreign language. We couldn't be more proud.

She has quite the personality and flair for the dramatic. I have met a lot of babies that are cute, some that are serious, some that are content, but a few that are really funny. And that know it. Grace is that way. She knows what makes us laugh, does it, and then waits for us to laugh. It is hilarious. I cannot describe her funny smiling face she does, but if you have seen it, you know what I'm talking about. It kind of looks like this.

She will keep doing it until you laugh at her (you should see her at United with the sackers, she is relentless) and if you don't she will look away and find someone else who will laugh at her.
She is also quite dramatic and will let you know very quickly when she isn't happy. Which isn't often, but when she is, forget it. Just duck and run for cover until she decides to get happy again.

We are going thru the Love and Logic parenting study at church and having a blast applying the foundations on our unsuspecting one year (ahem) twelve month old. The study is all about giving "control" to your child by giving them choices; i.e., "Would you like juice or milk? Would you like to carry your coat or wear it? etc... The other day I heard Danny say on the monitor, "Grace you can either cry when I change your diaper or not cry when I change your diaper. Your choice." Too funny. Whenever I listen to the other couples in class, almost all of whom have toddlers or older children, I think to myself, "I signed up for babies. Not parenting," and then proceed to break out in a cold sweat thinking about her toddler and teenage years. Stepping stones, right?

We went to the Dr. on Thursday for her shots and checkup. She ran a little fever and took a three and a half hour nap but was acting her usual self by Friday morning. She is still off the charts for height(30.5 inches, 97th percentile) but only gained 1 ounce in three months. She weighed 18.14 and while I had a suspicion she hadn't put on much weight, I was a little surprised at her being in the 10th percentile. Her Dr. told me not to worry (which I did anyway), and said that because Grace is still nursing and not very interested in solids when she is with me, she is not going to put on much weight. So I left with a list of foods to give her and this weekend we have been in Operation: Fatten Gracie Up mode. I think it is hard not to worry. I have heard that most babies triple their birth weight by the time they are one, which would have put us around 21.5 pounds, so for her to be three pounds shy makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong. But to be honest, with the amount of food we bought her Thursday night, I would guess she is going to more than triple her birth weight in the next week. Besides, tall and skinny never hurt any woman.

We are having an absolute blast and are actually quite ready to do this mama and dada thing again soon. If the next one is anything like the first, we will be in for a treat!

Birthday Day

It's been a great first birthday. A day full of laughing at mama's silly faces,
playing hide-and-go-seek,
watching Sesame Street,

letting Alisa hold me after she took pictures,


riding in my new car,


opening presents and being more interested in hangers than the clothes themselves,


Looking at the fish with nana,


trying to pop bubbles with papa,

making silly faces in the mirror,

and playing in the water with nana.

What a great day so far! We spent a fun morning playing at home, went over to Tom and Beth's to take pictures with Alisa, then headed to the Science Spectrum. Grace is taking her afternoon catnap before we go out to eat. Such a sweet and fun day celebrating our pumpkin. (I haven't cried once!)
Alisa emailed me one tiny little sneak peek of the shoot this afternoon. Love this picture! Can't wait to see the rest of them.

Happy almost Birthday, Gracie girl

Well, my sweet Grace, you turn one tomorrow. I asked you repeatedly to slow down again and again this year, but as with most things I ask you to do, you ignored me and decided to zip right on to your first birthday.
Time does fly, but sweet Grace, I have enjoyed every moment with you. The first nights home when you slept on my chest. The first time you smiled at me. Your first real bath. Our first road trip when we thought we left you at Subway but really just forgot to buckle you in. Your funny laugh. Watching baby Einstein nine hundred times. Taking you to the store and rocking you to sleep in my office. Watching you try and roll over for three weeks before you finally did it! Listening to you and your daddy talk to each other from the other room. Picking out all of your adorable outfits and matching bows. The way you smell when you get out of the bath. The first morning you were standing up in your crib, waiting for me with your arms open. Hearing you say "mama" for the first time. Watching you crawl and crying with you when you hurt yourself. The joy on your face when you learn something new. The way you looked up at me the night you were born and I instantly fell in love.


You are growing beautifully and wonderfully and I thank God for your sweet spirit, contagious laugh, funny personality, and open mouth, slobbery kisses.
My sweet girl, I hope one day I can describe the depth of love I have for you. I hope one day I can show you how proud I am of you and how proud I am to be your mommy.

I love you baby girl. Happy 1st Birthday.